Onward: upward and forward.

Springtime is here folks, and I could not be gladder. The sunshine on my shoulders renews within me a sense of possibility that is energizing and invigorating – thank heaven! This winter has been a rough one – adding a newborn to the list of excuses as to why you don’t get out of the house in the winter makes for a very sedentary season.  I cannot remember the last time I went for a run, but I am pretty sure it was over a year ago *shudder.

I am excited to seize this new found energy and make something count from these next few months leading into summer.  We have a brief window of opportunity from the blazing summer sun to really make some changes in our household and I am going to do everything within my power to get some momentum and keep it going.  I cannot tell you how tired I am of being tired.

The first order of business will be to get our lazy butts out of the house and into nature.  Time is fleeting, opportunity is passing us by, and honestly I do not think we need as much family time as we have been getting lately.  A family mantra when there is a newborn is to be home with the baby, home with the children, home for dinner, home for bedtime.  The obsessive togetherness has prevented any forward movement because it takes more coordination then I have to propel four people into the same direction.  

And so I say on this day: Onward: upward and forward. Life is too short to cherish every damn minute.  Some moments must get lost in the shuffle, because at least then, you are moving.

Allocating Time For What Matters To Me

Amid the swirling realities that bog down too many minutes of my day I am inundated with reaction and emotion and ultimately frustration at how quickly I’m overcome.  Now, anything that might heighten the chaos will ultimately become more to juggle, and so I find myself putting a lot of balls down. 

When I think about the things I would like to dedicate my time to, if it doesn't involve my family I feel as though I will be committing time unwisely.  Our generation has been raised with ultimate knowledge via the internet, and this omniscient perspective has culminated the widely known “truth” that is: nothing else matters in the end.  I feel like I know more of what options this life has to offer than my parents, and I read commentary over and over again by those who are near the end of their time that family is what matters.  The drama of raising children, the chaos of feeding them and caring for them, that is what it is all for. 

So one must decide what the all will be in that equation, ie what will matter to the children the most?  If it all for them, what would they benefit from the most during this time with their parents?  And there it is: with.their.parents.  With us.  So those balls, those choices, if they cannot be done with them then they aren't done at all. 

I lose the present sometimes when overwhelmed by the lives of others via social media, television, and work politics.  Stepping away from those influences as much as possible seems a wise course of action.  My children are little, and therefore we are in a precious window of time where they need me, and are truly influenced by me. 

How we are with family flows over into each generation’s priority hierarchy.  My children will watch how I am with my parents and sister, and will emulate me.  My mother moved and raised her family across the country from her roots, and here I am doing the same.  My parents committed every moment they could to my childhood, and here I am with those same values. 

Suppose today, on my way home from work, I get hit by a car and die.  I am inclined to believe that my children, my partner, my mother and father, they are what will flash into my mind.  The impact that I have on them now will be my legacy.  Therefore everything I am doing must be for the betterment of my people. The selfishness occurs when I stop to relish in their beauty, but the selflessness exists when they are better off for it.

My conundrum for today is: When does the selflessness of parenting end and the selfishness of self begin?  This will be different for each parent, I’m sure.  But where is that line for me?